the joys of shopping ...with kids...

had a BLAST shopping last night. attempted to go to bath and body to score some sales (bad idea with a two year old!!). he kept grabbing at stuff. was looking for gift ideas, but this doesn't work so well, with a curious child trying to pick up everything and look at it. and after we left, i was dismayed to discover ethan (my 2 y/o) holding a bottle of body spray that i had definitely NOT paid for. funnily enough, when i returned it, the clerk apologized to ME. maybe i looked really frazzled.

so then we go to the play area, and the kids are playing when clay gets the "uh-oh" look on his face and says, "mommy, i have to POOP!". so i grab ethan and tell clay to put his shoes back on (they can't wear shoes in the play area), and he tells me he doesn't have time to put on his shoes, he has to go NOW, and we have to hurry. great. lol.

so here i am, running thru the mall with two kids in tow headed for the nearest bathroom. and right by the bathrooms, i run into someone i know, and she starts talking to me. clay, meanwhile, in panic mode, is asking me what where the bathroom is. so barely excusing myself, i run off, leaving the poor woman mid-sentence. so i can show clay the door. ethan then tells me that HE has to go potty. so i get the stroller (with all our stuff) into the bathroom with ethan, and clay's yelling on the toilet for us to leave cuz he wants privacy. Ethan starts yelling because he likes the sound of his voice echoing in the bathroom. while i'm trying to help ethan go potty, clay washes his hands and uses so much paper towel that he kills like a whole tree. so much for saving the environment.

finally we leave the stupid bathroom, and while i'm trying to push the stroller out and hold the door open, clay is trying to climb in the stroller and get a ride, so the stroller won't go anywhere. i tell him he can't get in right now. "why?"

really?

so we finally manage to get to the doors. clay needs his coat zipped. ethan keeps trying to stand up in the stroller and get out while i'm helping clay with his coat. i finally succeed in holding ethan down and zipping clay's coat, and steer them to the door, where clay is bedazzled by something and stops in the middle of a throng of people to look at something apparently amazing.

we finally get out of the door and he asks me, "is that how kevin (the kid on "home alone") got lost?"

"yes," i tell him, thinking this would be a great teaching moment. "kevin got lost because he was naughty and didn't listen to his daddy and stopped to put batteries in his toy instead of waiting like his daddy told him til they were on the plane."

clay is quiet for a moment and then says, "well his daddy was naughty for not waiting for him!"

i repeat that kids need to listen to their parents and stay with them so they don't get lost, and wonder if its sinking through. i do tell him that his daddy should have held kevin's hand so he didn't get lost and he agrees that this is a good idea.

so then we are at wal mart, ethan kicked his boots off, and while i was retrieving those, he managed to get one of his feet stuck (!!) in the slats of the cart. he's yelling that his foot is stuck, and i'm trying to figure out how to get it out, and someone stops to help, and we finally get it out.

i'm just thinking that between the mall and walmart people must wonder what kind of mom am i anyway, when clay makes my day.

then we finally get to the checkout and clay stops in the jewelry section and finds me a heart shaped pin and tells me he wants me to have it because he knows i love him so much. awwww..

then to make up for his sweetness, he runs to the redbox video machine while i'm stuck in checkout, and tells me he wants a movie. I tell him we aren't getting one, and he argues with me. then he decides he'll just stay by the machine til i give in. i go to get him and ethan kicks his boots off. while i'm putting them back on, clay runs back to the stupid redbox. now i'm in a bad mood. i tell him that we are leaving now and if he doesn't come with me, he'll have to sleep at wal-mart.

he doesn't believe me. i bluff, and start to walk away, and say, "bye," and he starts listening. suddenly he's ready to go and we *finally* manage to make it out the door. ethan still has his boots on, and now he's trying to take his mittens off.

and then... to top off the evening, i couldn't find the car.

and they say women love to shop. right.

clarity

i heard that you can choose to be happy... its all on how you look at things. sometimes i stress about the everyday frustrations in life...work, the never-ending housework, the bills, the kids' endless messes, and then something stops me in my tracks and makes me see how fortunate i am.

i heard about a recent case of a two year old who is in a coma from medical complications and will never wake up. for those parents, instead of worrying about mashed cheerios on the floor and spilled milk, they will forever grieve over the lost dreams ... the lost kisses. their everyday struggle is trying not to be lost in the chasm of grief that threatens to swallow them.

last night, ethan was sick, and screamed unless i held him, but i held him gratefully, and kissed his head as he slept restlessly in my arms, feeling blessed and thankful to be holding my baby -- so beautifully warm and alive.

i don't mind the spilled milk so much, or the mashed cheerios or bits of food dropped on the floor; i cleaned it up today, and thought about the reasons why i was cleaning it up, and i knew -- i know i am blessed.

let the messes come. that i have two sweet little boys to make those messes, is a blessing i wouldn't trade for the cleanest house in the world.

so there's spilled milk and cheerios on the floor that stick to my socks as i attempt to clean them up... i am blessed because i have food to feed my children, they have never gone hungry. i have never had to look into their eyes and tell them there is no food. some mothers have. i can't imagine.

so the housework seems unending. we have a house; a home of our own and my children sleep safely, with their bellies full, in warm beds every night. how can i complain? some families are homeless, struggling in the cold to keep their children not only warm.. but safe. i don't have to sleep with one eye open, worried that someone may mug us or harm us while we sleep.

the laundry piles, up, the towels need folding, the clothes put away... we have clean, warm clothes to wear, and towels to dry off with after a nice warm bath. my children have warm winter coats and boots to wear this year and will stay warm and dry.

our mini van is on its last legs; the gas gauge is broken, as is the odometer, which means that running out of gas is a constant threat. we carry a small petrol tank in the van, and it stinks. the windshield wipers are broken, and the heater is reluctant to share its warmth. yet... it gets me to work and back, and without a car, i wouldn't have a job.

i complain about my job sometimes, after a stressful day, or working long hours, but this means i can pay the bills, and pay the mortgage, and buy groceries... and get all the things that that we need. there are families where the parents cannot find a job and there is no money to pay for the bills or the mortgage, let alone Christmas. i am truly lucky. i have a job, and a home of my own and a family that i can provide for.

when i stop feeling sorry for myself and think about what others do not have, or will lose, i am overwhelmed with all that i have, the greatest being my family. what do i have to complain about? life is a gift; i have a husband who i look forward to spending the rest of my life with, and two beautiful, healthy and happy children who i hope and pray will live a long, happy life and give me many little grandchildren to spoil.

my family and i are truly blessed.