clarity

i heard that you can choose to be happy... its all on how you look at things. sometimes i stress about the everyday frustrations in life...work, the never-ending housework, the bills, the kids' endless messes, and then something stops me in my tracks and makes me see how fortunate i am.

i heard about a recent case of a two year old who is in a coma from medical complications and will never wake up. for those parents, instead of worrying about mashed cheerios on the floor and spilled milk, they will forever grieve over the lost dreams ... the lost kisses. their everyday struggle is trying not to be lost in the chasm of grief that threatens to swallow them.

last night, ethan was sick, and screamed unless i held him, but i held him gratefully, and kissed his head as he slept restlessly in my arms, feeling blessed and thankful to be holding my baby -- so beautifully warm and alive.

i don't mind the spilled milk so much, or the mashed cheerios or bits of food dropped on the floor; i cleaned it up today, and thought about the reasons why i was cleaning it up, and i knew -- i know i am blessed.

let the messes come. that i have two sweet little boys to make those messes, is a blessing i wouldn't trade for the cleanest house in the world.

so there's spilled milk and cheerios on the floor that stick to my socks as i attempt to clean them up... i am blessed because i have food to feed my children, they have never gone hungry. i have never had to look into their eyes and tell them there is no food. some mothers have. i can't imagine.

so the housework seems unending. we have a house; a home of our own and my children sleep safely, with their bellies full, in warm beds every night. how can i complain? some families are homeless, struggling in the cold to keep their children not only warm.. but safe. i don't have to sleep with one eye open, worried that someone may mug us or harm us while we sleep.

the laundry piles, up, the towels need folding, the clothes put away... we have clean, warm clothes to wear, and towels to dry off with after a nice warm bath. my children have warm winter coats and boots to wear this year and will stay warm and dry.

our mini van is on its last legs; the gas gauge is broken, as is the odometer, which means that running out of gas is a constant threat. we carry a small petrol tank in the van, and it stinks. the windshield wipers are broken, and the heater is reluctant to share its warmth. yet... it gets me to work and back, and without a car, i wouldn't have a job.

i complain about my job sometimes, after a stressful day, or working long hours, but this means i can pay the bills, and pay the mortgage, and buy groceries... and get all the things that that we need. there are families where the parents cannot find a job and there is no money to pay for the bills or the mortgage, let alone Christmas. i am truly lucky. i have a job, and a home of my own and a family that i can provide for.

when i stop feeling sorry for myself and think about what others do not have, or will lose, i am overwhelmed with all that i have, the greatest being my family. what do i have to complain about? life is a gift; i have a husband who i look forward to spending the rest of my life with, and two beautiful, healthy and happy children who i hope and pray will live a long, happy life and give me many little grandchildren to spoil.

my family and i are truly blessed.